Relationships.

One of my favorite exclamations when a friend is sharing some sort of drama with me is ‘Ugh, People!’. I also find myself being comforted as I repeat those words to myself during a frustrating situation with a friend. It seems that relationships, whether family relationships, friendships or romantic relationships bring us the greatest joy in life and also provide the greatest heartache and frustration. I’ve told Matt many times that he is the one person who knows how to push every frustrating button I have but also knows how to melt my heart in an instant.

The thing about relationships is this – they involve people. And people, by our very nature, are sinful creatures. We mess up. We sin. We disappoint each other. We hurt feelings. How often I’ve decried the way I’ve been treated by someone with whom I share relationship only to realize a) that my own faults and actions have contributed to the problem or b) I’ve treated someone else the very way I have been hurt.

Another problem with relationships, at least for me, is the expectations, both spoken and unspoken, that are set, broken, reset, and on and on. I have this really bad habit of setting expectations for people I’m close to, and then not telling them. Of course eventually the expectation that I’ve set isn’t lived up to, and I get disappointed. Sometimes there is a big confrontation where I let the person know how I thought they should or would be doing (or not doing) this or that and it’s messy. Other times there is no physical confrontation but our relationship is affected nonetheless. All in all, I’m learning more in more the importance of clear and REAL communication that is necessary for a healthy relationship.

So if relationships are hard and people are messed up – why do I crave connection and communion with others? I think it’s because I believe that as humans, we were created to live in community, our lives filled with relationships. And this topic is one where the Lord has been growing me a lot lately. A few thoughts I’ve been pondering…

1. Relationships keep us accountable
Having moved to a new city not too long ago, I had to undertake the task of making new friends. It’s bad enough having to do this when you’re 12, but when you’re in your early 20s it’s much easier just to stick with the friends you know. Especially when you’re moving from East Tennessee to the Big Easy and you’re not sure if you’re cool enough. However, once I made the leap of faith, put myself out there, became vulnerable and shared my heart with people, I was amazed at how easy it is to make friends. The thing about doing that (sharing your heart and being vulnerable) is that once you share with people, they know the real you, and they can call you out when you act differently. The same can be said of old friends, too, who know even from your tone in a conversation if something is going on. I’m grateful for friends, new and old, who know my heart and love me enough to keep me accountable.

2. Relationship show us our weakness
Just reading about my own judgmental and expectation-driven attitude is probably enough to make you want to stop being my friend. But it turns out at least a few people have stuck it out with me. It is when I am able to see how my own actions, my own sinful nature, affects someone I care about, someone I’m in relationship with, that I am most willing and able to change quickly.

3. Relationships encourage us
So if relationship were all just about pointing out our negatives, we probably wouldn’t take the time to make them work. So despite the fact that your best friend, your boyfriend or your mom points out the fact that you’re rude and selfish (either by actually telling you or by showing you through their response to your actions), those people are also there to push you to be better. Having them by your side through the good times and the bad times makes the good times even sweeter and the bad times less bitter. There are hard times and tough situations I’ve had to walk through over the past couple of years, and the walk was made so much easier knowing I had friends and family walking beside me each step of the way. I love Ecclesiastes 4:12, which points out that ‘Though a man might prevail against one who is alone, two will withstand him – a threefold cord is not quickly broken’.

So, for those of you who have put up with my hidden agendas, my unspoken expectations, my moodiness, all my quirks – thank you for being my friend! And for those of you I’m becoming friends with, I hope I didn’t scare you off. Lord knows I need you all!