What I'm Thankful For: Part 2

Psalm 145:7 "They will celebrate your goodness and joyfully sing of your righteousness."

So, I missed my self-imposed Thanksgiving deadline....but I am so thankful for these 3 things, that I figured better late than never.

Coffee

One of my favorite smells from childhood is the smell of Folger's brewing in my parent's kitchen. Funny, now that I'm a coffee drinker, I don't actually like the taste of Folger's, just the smell. I also remember my first trips to Starbuck's as a high schooler - just the word made me infinitely cooler (or so I thought). My favorite wedding gifts included our coffeemaker and my humongous green fiesta mugs. And now I honestly don't know what I'd do most mornings without a cup of my favorite hazlenut spice.


Indeed, coffee is one of life's greatest pleasures for me. There is something very soul soothing about a warm drink on a cold morning. As much as I enjoy the warmth and smell and the taste, though, some of my favorite coffee memories involve having heart to hearts over a cup of joe - whether at the Golden Roast on UT's campus meeting with Heather or Frankie, sitting in my parent's kitchen talking to my Mom or Nan, at Slim Goodies with Matt (best coffee in NOLA) or the Starbuck's on Maple Street venting to Shannon, I'm so grateful for all of those times, all the lessons I've learned, all the advice I've given and received. So, thank you Lord for coffee - and for talks.



Failure

Okay, this is honestly a tough subject for me. As a recovering perfectionist, acknowledging my imperfection is a daily struggle for me. There is something deep within that I have to constantly battle, telling me that anything but 'the best' (whatever that is) isn't good enough. I'm sad to say I often project my tendencies onto others as well. So wouldn't you know that God has to continually teach me that He has called me to a life surrendered to Him, not a life of perfection in my own eyes. How does he teach me this? Through failure.


Last week I received some bad news. Terrible news, actually, for this girl who tries to define her self worth based on standards of perfection. I found out that I FAILED a section of the CPA exam. Not only did I not make a perfect score. I didn't even pass! Immediately my thoughts turned to: 1. What will everyone think when they find out I'm not perfect? (as if y'all didn't already know...) 2. Since failing this test means I'm clearly unintelligent, how can I set myself apart now? 3. Am I still loveable even if I'm not the best at everything? <-- Clearly these were all rational thoughts, right? Sounds like failure is great for me! But here is why I'm thankful for failures. Because in the middle of my self-doubt, self-pity, and despair, the Lord picks me up and pulls me close and lets me know that I am good enough, not because of anything I ever did or will do or even could do, but because He says I am good enough, He sacrificed his own son to make me good enough. So, yes, I am thankful for my failures. As hard as they are and as much as they hurt, I feel them drawing me closer to my Lord, and for that, I am grateful.

Marriage (saved the best for last)

Matt and I celebrated our one year anniversary just over a week ago. We enjoyed a romantic staycation downtown capped off with a fabulous dinner at Restaurant August. He's too good to me! Over the course of the weekend we talked a lot about what we had learned during our first year, our favorite memories, etc. It was a great time to reconnect and recenter ourselves.


I share all of that to share that marriage has been a great teacher for me. I've learned more about myself through being married than I ever did through any sort of self-exploration/contemplation on my own. It seems that when you live in a confined space with another person 24 hours a day 7 days a week, your true colors can't help but show themselves (the pretty colors and the ugly ones). I've learned that I'm not as great of a communicator as I thought I was, that I don't take constructive criticism well (see #2 above), I am verrry cranky when I'm tired or hungry, I freak out randomly when things aren't clean but I'm messy in my own way, and that deep down, I'm kind of selfish. I've also learned how to take care of someone, how to fight fair, and how to compromise (he does dishes I do laundry). As I round out my thankful list for this year, I am thankful for Matt, and for marriage, and for learning and growing together.

And finally, with the month of November and Thanksgiving coming to a close and December and the season of Advent beginning, as people's minds shift from an attitude of thankfulness for the blessings already received to expectancy for the future, I'll sign off with a heart full of gratitude and hope.

What I'm Thankful For: Part 1

Wow, it’s been a while. (Seems like I said this the last time I blogged…). I am going to do my best not to allow all of my recent thoughts and ponderings to land on this small page all at one time. Instead, in honor of Thanksgiving, I’ve come up with a series of blogs to post this month: What I’m Thankful For (clichéd, and bit overdone, I know, but I am so full of gratitude that I have to share).

But before I begin, a quick recap of the past 3 months: I studied a lot for the CPA exam and even took another section (still waiting to hear back my score); Matt started his final year of Seminary; and I started my real-life grown up job. So, needless to say, we’ve been slightly distracted from blogging by actually living life. However, I enjoy writing and sharing or stories too much to stay away. So, here we are now.

Okay, so this series is going to be a weekly reflection of things I’m thankful for. I think it will be a challenge for me to have to whittle down my cup that overflows with blessings into four weeks’ worth of blogs, but that is a challenge I’m looking forward to.

Then, without further ado, I will begin…

Today, I am thankful for my friends and family. Now, to many people this might seem a bit strange, why wouldn’t I devote two weeks to these two groups of people who have played such influential roles in me becoming who I am? For me, it is clear. I don’t necessarily see a distinction between these groups: my family members are also my friends and many of my friends are as close as my family.

Family

I am thankful for a family who has loved and supported me over the years. For my parents, who have taken care of me for so long, from my premature birth to waking me up to feed me every three hours, to the rides to dance class, piano lessons, the purchasing of twirling costumes and many many sets of hair rollers, to homework help and poster painting, to Eggo waffle making and driving lessons, I am so blessed to have parents who have encouraged and nurtured me. And the support has continued as I’ve grown up, gotten married and moved away. I know the moving away part wasn’t exactly in my parents’ plan, but I am so grateful for their understanding.

My parents aren’t the only ones who raised me, though. I had aunts and uncles and cousins (oh my!) who have all played vital roles in my life: from the cards and encouragement, to teaching me in Sunday School and Youth, to encouraging love of music and culture, I wouldn’t be who I am without them. And I think it’s pretty clear now how I feel about my grandmothers: Nan, who makes the best biscuits in the world and knows how to get a stain out of anything, and Maymee who I lost this summer, are 2 of the strongest, best women I know. And who can forget my bro, Lewis Tate. From the outside, we’re pretty different people. Tate is 7 years older than I am, and he’s a boy. Growing up, we didn’t have much in common, or like each other much, if we’re honest. (Okay, I liked him ‘cause he had cute older friends, and he didn’t like me ‘cause I was his annoying little sis). But as I’ve grown up and he’s gotten older, I realize that Tate and I have this unexplainable bond. He understands me, and why I think the way I do about a lot of things. I’m so grateful to have his advice and his listening ear in a lot of situations. I’m also grateful that he married a really awesome girl and that they have the 2 coolest kids EVER.

And now, for about a year, I’m so blessed with a group of in-laws who love and treat me like I’m their own. I feel like my family has doubled in size, and that feels good.

Friends

As you grow up and branch out (for me that started young, at daycare), you realize that your family won’t be with you everywhere you go, so it will be necessary to form relationships with people outside that unit. I am beyond blessed to have had some of the most wonderful people surrounding me over these past 23 years.

I’m thankful for friends who listen and speak truth to me (even when I don’t want to hear it). I’m thankful for encouragers, for the fun friends who share new music with me, for friends who inspire me. I’m thankful for friends who disciple me, and who make me want to be better. I’m thankful for the fights I’ve had with friends, which have taught me how to make peace and mend fences. I’m thankful for friends who cry with me, friends who share in my joy. Friends who pray with me and for me.

So, friends out there, you who have put up with me and my awkwardness, my selfishness, my perfectionism and unrealistic expectations – I’m so grateful for you, for sticking with me, for loving me well, and for helping me want to love others just the same.

And now, what I’m learning is that a lot of times, as you grow up, especially when you live far away from your biological family, your friends become like family. It’s kind of crazy, but I don’t feel like I just have 1 brother any more – I have lots of them, and sisters, too!

Today, I am taking the time to thank the Lord for the blessing of family and of friends, people whose love and support for me mean so much more than they will know, who have shaped my life in so many ways, and without whom I’d be lost and lonely.

Note: Don’t worry, I haven’t left Matt out completely from this thankful list. I’ll be thankful for him in a couple of weeks, probably around our anniversary :-)