The In Between

Tonight I will take my last final of graduate school. Then, next Friday - May 14, 2010 - I will receive my Master's degree. At this point I have no plans of going back to school for my Ph.D., so it looks like my 17-year relationship with the education system is coming to an end, and quickly. I have been so looking forward to this day for so long. I am tired of the tests and papers and endless (and sometimes pointless) homework assignments. I'm tired of having to stay up late stressing about whether or not I have a good enough grasp on the information in front of me. Basically, I'm tired of school.

I found out a couple of weeks ago that I will be starting my big girl job in October. It is finally time for me to put my accounting skills to work. I am so excited for this new opportunity, this new challenge. But, if I'm completely honest with myself, I'm also a little - or a lot- scared. I feel like over the past couple of years, I've spent so much time looking forward to this moment, being free from the bonds of school and open to explore the working world. But now that it is here, I am afraid. It is uncertain. School was certain. Even when I moved to New Orleans last year and started at a new university, I pretty much knew what to expect. Schools, in general, are pretty similar: there are professors, and books and I understood the expectations on me. Now, I'm going to be starting work where I will have a different boss for each client I'm on. I'm sure it will take time for me to figure out what exactly each of my bosses expects of me. And then there are the unspoken expectations about how smart I am. Do I really know the material I learned in school in an applicable way? Or did I just learn by rote memorization, just long enough to pass a test? Was it a good choice to hire me? Should they keep me around? Scary stuff. Lots of pressure.

So, today, with many thoughts floating in my head (remembering and cherishing my school years and anticipating the adventures that are to come) I am very grateful to have this summer. It will be my In Between. I am done with school, but I won't have a full time job yet. I'm hoping to take that time to process all these thoughts and emotions, to prepare myself for the future. I'll be working part-time and studying for the CPA exam. I'll be riding my new bike around Uptown. I'll be visiting Knoxville, my family, and old friends. I'll be going to the beach. And most importantly I'll have free time, for probably the only time in my life. I'll have time to think and read and swing on the front porch and process all these things.

I share all of that to say that I'm glad that God gives us good gifts. For me, my In Between is one gift I am very much looking forward to. It is something I very much need.