One of "Those Days"

Today has been a hard day.

I got a message from my brother earlier about my sweet Maymee. She is 92 years old, and one of the best storytellers ever. She also loves Jesus, a lot, and I want to be like her when I grow up. But, being 92 comes with its challenges. Today's challenge was that her legs were hurting her so badly that she could not stand up from the chair she was sitting in. My brother went to her house to try and help, but she is too proud for that. So, she just stayed in her chair. Angry, I'm sure, and frustrated and sad. Besides her failing body, Maymee has been struggling with loneliness, especially in the past couple of years. My Pap died when I was 10, and she's recently lost her little sister as well as a dear friend and Sunday school student. I can only imagine the isolation that comes with being the last of your generation in a community. I'm sure that as much as we all love and respect her no one truly understands her, because we haven't lived through the same life span she has.

This is Maymee and I at one of our wedding showers last summer.





Just a few minutes ago, I found out that my other grandmother, Nan, who played an integral role in raising me, has an infection because she cut her hand last week. Her skin is so thin and fragile, that the slightest bump or scratch tear it. She's also losing mobility quickly, and she's not able to do the things she is used to being able to do. This woman, who inspired in me the love of food and hospitality, can't garden or cook or clean up the way she would like. She can't go out to the mall or to eat for as long as she'd like. She's just tired.


Nan with my 2 nephews a couple of summers ago.















This is definitely one of the hardest things about living 9 hours away from my family. I can't be there to hug or love or do for or comfort these ladies who have meant so much to me.

So, this post could just be a rant or a vent or something of that sort. But, it isn't going to be that, because we serve a God who promises to be our Comforter. I'm choosing to let Him comfort me, and I pray that my grandmothers will feel His comfort, too.

Some awesome promises from God and reminders about His goodness to us:

Even to your old age and gray hairs I am he, I am he who will sustain you. I have made you and I will carry you; I will sustain you and I will rescue you. Isaiah 46:4
(especially cool for my lovely grandmothers)

Shout for joy, O heavens; rejoice, O earth; burst into song, O mountains! For the LORD comforts his people and will have compassion on his afflicted ones. Isaiah 49:13

Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves have received from God. 2 Corinthians 1:3-4


So tonight, after one of "those days", instead of being sad, I am living in the Lord's promise of comfort. I can feel it in me. I can feel His peace. Praising Him for that tonight.

The In Between

Tonight I will take my last final of graduate school. Then, next Friday - May 14, 2010 - I will receive my Master's degree. At this point I have no plans of going back to school for my Ph.D., so it looks like my 17-year relationship with the education system is coming to an end, and quickly. I have been so looking forward to this day for so long. I am tired of the tests and papers and endless (and sometimes pointless) homework assignments. I'm tired of having to stay up late stressing about whether or not I have a good enough grasp on the information in front of me. Basically, I'm tired of school.

I found out a couple of weeks ago that I will be starting my big girl job in October. It is finally time for me to put my accounting skills to work. I am so excited for this new opportunity, this new challenge. But, if I'm completely honest with myself, I'm also a little - or a lot- scared. I feel like over the past couple of years, I've spent so much time looking forward to this moment, being free from the bonds of school and open to explore the working world. But now that it is here, I am afraid. It is uncertain. School was certain. Even when I moved to New Orleans last year and started at a new university, I pretty much knew what to expect. Schools, in general, are pretty similar: there are professors, and books and I understood the expectations on me. Now, I'm going to be starting work where I will have a different boss for each client I'm on. I'm sure it will take time for me to figure out what exactly each of my bosses expects of me. And then there are the unspoken expectations about how smart I am. Do I really know the material I learned in school in an applicable way? Or did I just learn by rote memorization, just long enough to pass a test? Was it a good choice to hire me? Should they keep me around? Scary stuff. Lots of pressure.

So, today, with many thoughts floating in my head (remembering and cherishing my school years and anticipating the adventures that are to come) I am very grateful to have this summer. It will be my In Between. I am done with school, but I won't have a full time job yet. I'm hoping to take that time to process all these thoughts and emotions, to prepare myself for the future. I'll be working part-time and studying for the CPA exam. I'll be riding my new bike around Uptown. I'll be visiting Knoxville, my family, and old friends. I'll be going to the beach. And most importantly I'll have free time, for probably the only time in my life. I'll have time to think and read and swing on the front porch and process all these things.

I share all of that to say that I'm glad that God gives us good gifts. For me, my In Between is one gift I am very much looking forward to. It is something I very much need.