So far this Christmas season I've been experiencing an internal struggle. Something within me has been feeling "off" or not fully into the Christmas spirit. Our tree is decorated. Some presents are wrapped (others still need to be purchased). Outdoor lights are hung. There have been Christmas parties to attend or host. We've started watching our collection of Christmas movies - and if Elf doesn't get you in the mood, I don't know what will. We even have a new baby to celebrate with. Yet, I've felt disconnected, discombobulated, and otherwise lost somewhere in the Christmas cosmos. I excitedly purchased a new Advent book, The Greatest Gift, by one of my favorite authors, Ann Voskamp. However, I've even been struggling to connect with each day's devotion and questions. To be honest, even with all the good and exciting things there are to celebrate this time of year, I've just been feeling "blah". Does anyone else ever feel this way?
This morning at the Freret Donut Shop I was discussing my problems with Matt, mostly just processing with him that I was beginning to think that the things we most celebrate about Christmas (family, giving, gathering, etc.) are good things, but they don't fully satisfy because they are not the whole point or purpose of celebration. I was struggling, though, to quantify what I thought the meaning of Christmas was. I knew the surface level/Christianese answer about Jesus being born but even that wasn't enough. This afternoon, reading the Advent book I'd been struggling through, everything that seemed off and all that I couldn't verbalize jumped off the page and pierced my heart. Just like the people of Isaiah 9, who had been walking in darkness but were to see a great light, I feel like the Lord gave me a deeper insight than I'd ever before.
"Christmas cannot be bought. Christmas cannot be created. Christmas cannot be made by hand, lit up, set out, dreamed up. Christmas can only be found." (The Greatest Gift, p. 138)
And then, something awesome happened, friends. I found my Christmas, on the very next page!!
"We are saved from our loneliness because God is love and He can't stand to leave us by ourselves, to ourselves. That is the message of Christmas. The message of Christmas is not that we can make peace. Or that we can make love, make light, make gifts or make the world save itself. The message of Christmas is that the world's a mess and we can never save ourselves from ourselves and we need a Messiah. For unto us a child is born." (The Greatest Gift, p. 139)
Boom. Truth. And the message my heart was longing for. Right there.
So, I've imagined this year that Christmas is a little like an onion, with all these complex layers.
On the outer layers, we have the truly surface-y things like parties, presents, and Santa. These are good things. Nothing bad about them, but they are only good. Then, as we begin to peel back the layers and delve deeper into the heart of the matter, we come to the better things - the generosity that is in people's hearts this time of year, spending time with loved ones, etc. The past few years, Matt and I have been moving more to this layer. We're doing fewer gifts and focusing more on planning time with family and friends. And it's been fun. We have been less stressed about running out and buying a bunch of stuff for the sake of buying. However, there is a deeper, fuller, richer, more meaningful layer, which is the best reason to celebrate this season - God is with us! Knowing what shape we were in, God, the Creator of the universe and all of us, CAME TO US TO SAVE US FROM OURSELVES. In my heart today, I've seen this as a reason to celebrate, something to really get excited about, and a way to rid me of the 'blah' feeling I'd been fighting these weeks.
Merry Christmas, everyone. I hope this blog fills your heart with hope and joy this season. There's so much to celebrate - so many good gifts, so many better gifts, and the greatest gift - God With Us.
