Why I like Date Night

Since Matt recently posted a blog about the importance of date night in marriage, I thought I’d post a quick response.

My husband is a romantic. It’s one of the things I love most about him. He always knows how to sweep me off my feet. For us, that has never been achieved through extravagant gifts or vacations, rather Matt wooed me through his creative approach to declaring to me and the world that I am lovely and desirable and worthy of his affection.

I specifically remember getting butterflies as a 14-year-old when Matt surprised me with a homemade card for our one month anniversary. Yes, we celebrated months at that point, and yes, the card was awesome and had glitter on it and clearly took a lot of time and effort. I also smile thinking about the time he mailed me a large bouncy ball with a letter written on it while he was working camp one summer. Or the countless scavenger hunts and surprise dates we’ve been on. Now I know some of you may have just laughed out loud or thought about throwing up. Matt’s sentimental and romantic attitude and gestures may be too much for you, but I’d submit this thought: even if our methods aren’t exactly what you would employ in your relationship, the attentiveness and love expressed by Matt’s actions mean more to me than words can describe. More than enjoying receiving glittery cards or bouncy balls or being whisked off on surprise adventures, I savor the realization of the time and effort he spent planning and preparing for these things – time spent imagining my reaction, hoping that his hard work would be worth it, that I’d feel special and loved.

I think that’s why I like date night so much. And that is what it’s really about – my husband pursuing me and showing me that I am special and lovable and worthy of his time and attention. It means so much to me that in the midst of our busy-ness, he makes sure to set one night aside to turn off the noise of the lives we live and just talk with me, listen to me, learn about me and how I am doing and feeling and what I am learning. It doesn’t matter if we’re having a fancy dinner at Patois or takeout pizza for a date night in, because the atmosphere and food are only a small piece of what make the night worth remembering. What’s more worthy is our pursuit of our relationship; the ultimate goal is that through the cultivation of a healthy marital relationship, we are pointing each other (and the outside world) to Christ, who is our bridegroom as we are the Church. I can't think of a more beautiful picture than taking the way my husband pursues me and applying that to the way Christ pursues all of us. I am grateful to be pursued by both.

Outside my Box

For the last two weekends in July, Matt was given the opportunity to preach to our Vintage Uptown family. (You can check out the podcasts or his blog for his take on the experience). We were in the middle of a series called Identity, where we discussed who we are as the Church.

Matt's first discussion focused on Pursuing Christ Through our Mission. He walked us through Acts 3:1-10 and we learned about the importance of living every day with Spirit sensitivity. We closed by writing down one way we respond to the Spirit and posting it on a canvas. It was pretty challenging to take time to think of a specific way or area of my life where I promise to live with Spirit sensitivity and then post it on a board in permanent ink.

Last weekend Matt talked about Being Christ Through our Campus, allowing the story of Peter and Cornelius in Acts 10 to guide us. While there were many good points and lots of truth shared, the idea that I took away was this: Peter was the agent through which the Gospel was shared. Matt and I had discussed a lot that week the idea that throughout the book of Acts, we see time and again that, with the power and help of the Holy Spirit, humans are the medium through which the Lord shares his story with other humans. Even looking at the story of Cornelius we see that while he receives an angel to give him guidance, he doesn't truly hear the Gospel until it is shared by Peter. Matt challenged us to think about who might be a Cornelius in our life, noting that this is likely someone who 1: looks different (racially) 2: thinks different (religiously) or 3: smells different (economically) than you. I left last Sunday's gatherings feeling led to live in a way that I could be used by the Lord the way Peter was, in a way that changes someone else's life (and mine, too).

As I was packing last Sunday to head out of town for a week of training, Matt handed me a book that he'd read and been challenged by last summer. That book was called Peppermint-Filled Pinatas. I read the whole book last week, and once I got past the strange title, which the author explains, I was impressed. This book had very much the same theme of Matt's messages, particularly in that the author, Eric Michael Bryant, urges his reader to actively pursue opportunities to share the love of Christ in the everyday. In his case, this involves sharing with and getting to know people who look/think/smell different than him. You see, Bryant was a bald white guy from Texas who moved to a multi-ethnic, multi-economic and culturally diverse neighborhood in Los Angeles. His personal anecdotes helped drive home his points. As I white girl from East Tennessee, I related to his early difficulties assimilating to a much more diverse culture. Moving to New Orleans has definitely been an eye opening experience in many ways, not the least of which is the racial tension which is still raw and painful in many aspects of life in the city.

I'd like to share a couple of quotes which challenged me:

"The world is changing dramatically, and as a result, we cannot live the same way, hiding in our own cul-de-sacs, staying away from others who look or believe differently from the way we look or believe, because now they live next door (13)."

"If you want to become a diverse church, you need to have friends from diverse backgrounds. Many of us say we want diversity - but only if our children don't marry their children (123)."

I had a chance to talk through these quotes and other issues with my friend Anthony while we were at training. Anthony is an African-American born and raised in Uptown New Orleans, the same part of the city I live in now. He was able to answer some of my questions and bring me to a greater understanding of many of the racial issues that plague our city. He shared about his passion for better education and a stronger community foundation for many of the youth in the city, particularly those who are at an economic disadvantage. I learned so much from just a few short conversations and look forward to continued dialogue about this and other topics as Matt and I continue to develop a friendship with this awesome guy.

I thoroughly enjoyed Peppermint Filled Pinatas. And by enjoyed, I mean I nodded my head in agreement while reading every other page and then realized what a hypocrite I am for not living out the very ideas I so strongly believe. Ultimately what I realized is this: whether by diversity we mean the color of skin, socioeconomic status, or line of thought, I (like most people) prefer to be around those who are similar to me. I tend to befriend those who share my same values and my same way of thinking. It's much easier and doesn't require me to leave my comfort zone, but I am learning that in doing that, I am short-selling myself. I am not allowing my thoughts or point of view to be challenged or growing to understand another person, or allowing the Lord to use someone else to work out some issues in my heart or life.

So this week I am praying for guidance from the Spirit and seeking opportunities to step out of my box and spend time and place with those who are different than me. I also pray that I'll be able to celebrate those things that make others different than me. I hope you'll do the same. I think we'll all be changed in the process.